


Clothes are the Worst

by houdini74



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Intercrural Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22862203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houdini74/pseuds/houdini74
Summary: David and Patrick compete to see who can take off the other's clothes the fastest.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 16
Kudos: 144





	Clothes are the Worst

**Author's Note:**

> This is for everyone who has written a sex scene and discovered that they forgot to remove someone's shoes or coat or pants or shirt or...

David is wearing the jeans again. The white ones with the splashes of black paint on them. The ones that are so tight that Patrick isn’t sure how he squeezed into them. But he did and now all Patrick can think about is his fiance’s legs and ass as he moves around the store.

He loves those jeans. Loves how they make David’s long legs look even longer. Loves how they leave nothing to the imagination. He loves them for another reason, too. David might not remember, but those jeans are the jeans David wore the morning after their first kiss. The first day Patrick was allowed to touch David and kiss him in their store in real life instead of just in his imagination. These had been the pants that David had worn. Pants that test Patrick’s self-restraint every time he sees them.

It’s taken Patrick a long time to understand David’s clothes, but from the beginning he’s had a mental catalog that matches David’s wardrobe to the timeline of their relationship. The striped sweatshirt he wore when they first met, the lightning bolt he wore for their first date, the fuzzy Muppet sweater he’d worn when Patrick had proposed. And these jeans. These jeans that are so, so sexy that Patrick loses his concentration every time he sees them.

He keeps things professional all morning, staying busy behind the counter, pretending not to notice as David bends and stretches and reaches all over the store, the jeans tightening and wrinkling as he moves. 

When he comes back from the cafe with their takeout lunch in hand, he can’t stand it anymore. David is leaning against the doorway behind the counter, as though he’d positioned himself there like an art project, taunting Patrick with something that is meant to be seen but not touched. He sets the food on the counter and presses David against the door frame.

“Wanna find out how quickly I can take those pants off of you?” He breathes the words into David’s ear and is rewarded by hearing David’s breath catch.

David swallows roughly. “Yeah. Yeah, we could do that.”

He rests his hands on David’s hips, holding him firmly in place. “Tonight.” With a final squeeze he lets David go, taking the takeout order into the back room. 

David thunks his head against the wall and groans. The tight jeans are even tighter now and Patrick grins at the evidence of the effect he has on his fiance. 

David can be surprisingly efficient when he wants to be and he sweeps the floor and restocks the shelves before Patrick can get the cash reconciled. He presses himself against Patrick as he counts the cash drawer, rubbing against him like a large, horny cat. 

“Fuck.” He loses track of the count for the third time. 

“That’s the idea.” David purrs in his ear, following it up with a sharp but gentle nip to his earlobe. 

“Your idea is going to have to wait until I get this counted properly.”

“Excuse me, I’m pretty sure this was your idea.” David gives one last squeeze to his ass before he backs off just far enough that Patrick can concentrate. At last, he comes up with a final number that may or may not be correct. Before the invisible accountant that lives on his shoulder can object, Patrick tosses the cash in the safe and drags David out of the store, punching the alarm and closing the door behind them.

By the time they pull up in front of Patrick’s building, David has managed to mostly untuck his shirt and it’s taking all of Patrick’s concentration to ignore the light scratch of David’s fingernails across his stomach. He throws the car into park and fumbles with his seatbelt. David smirks at him, knowing and feral. Patrick can see the bulge of his cock beneath the tight white denim and for a brief second his addled brain considers the merits of taking David here in broad daylight, in this parking lot, beneath the possible gaze of his neighbors. The awkwardness of two grown men wrestling in the front seat of his Toyota stops him, but only barely. 

“Get out of the car, David.” His voice is two octaves lower than normal. David licks his lips and the simple action is enough to make his hips twitch, just a little.

The elevator in his apartment is old and slow and he’s in too much of a hurry to wait. He pushes David towards the stairs, ignoring his protests. “I’ll make it worth your while.” 

They make it to the first landing before he realizes why they should have taken the elevator. David pins him against the wall, using the weight of his larger frame to hold him in place, one leg thrust between Patrick’s as he works a hickey onto his collarbone. Patrick’s head falls back against the wall, one hand tangled in David’s hair as he tries to keep his hips from bucking into David. “We...we can’t do this here.”

“Are you sure?” David nips at the mark on his collarbone, a tremor ripples through him.

He’s not sure. Why does it matter? His eyes flutter closed, just for a second. Oh. Right. “If Mrs Robertson catches us, she’ll write a letter.” David’s hands slide back under his untucked shirt, making his skin quiver. “If she writes a letter, I’m making you answer it.” He takes as deep a breath as he can, trying to pull away from David. With the wall behind him, he can only push himself upwards, but it relieves some of the pressure of David’s leg on his cock, clearing his head a bit. “C’mon, two more flights.”

They make it to the top of the stairs. David’s hands are roaming beneath his shirt, his hold on Patrick’s hip forcing their bodies together. He’s a little surprised they didn’t fall down the stairs. But here they are. He digs his keys out of his pocket and paws at the lock. It takes three tries but he unlocks the door and pushes David inside, kicking the door closed behind them.

He expects David to shove him against the door, but his fiance shimmies backwards towards the bed, his eyes are hot against Patrick’s, drawing him forward. David runs his hands up his thighs, Patrick’s eyes follow the path of his hands against the tight fabric. David lets his hands frame his cock before he sits back on the bed, resting his weight on his elbows as he looks up at Patrick.

“I think you promised me something.”

“Uh huh?” Had he promised David something? All he can think about is the stretch of the tight white fabric across David’s hips, the splash of black paint perfectly pointing to his dick. David draws a hand up his leg and rubs himself. Patrick is struck dumb, frozen in place before he strides across the room to where David is sitting.

“You were going to show me how quickly you could get these pants off.” David shimmies his hips again, the awkward gesture is instantly hot. Patrick’s mouth goes dry as he smirks at his fiance. 

“Do you want to set a timer?” He moves to stand between David’s spread knees, bending down to kiss him, rough and messy. David whines when he pulls away. He rubs his thumb across David’s wet lips and they both moan as David catches his thumb gently between his teeth. “I’m going to need that back if you want me to take your pants off.” David’s lips close around his thumb, sucking briefly, before he lets him go. 

He rocks back on his heels and runs his hands down David’s chest, fingers stroking over the soft sweater, coming to a stop on the button of David’s jeans. “Ready?”

David smothers a laugh, beneath his fingers, Patrick can feel his stomach quivering. David’s lips quirk and his eyes narrow as he breathes out the word. “Go.”

Patrick flips open the button and eases the zipper over David’s hard cock. Set free from the constricting denim, it’s even more distracting and he can’t help but lean forward to mouth at the soft fabric of David’s underwear. David’s hands slide onto his head, holding him firmly before he lets him go. “Clock’s ticking, babe.”

“Someone’s distracting me.” He slips his hands under David’s ass, encouraging him to lift his hips so he can tug his jeans down onto his thighs. He has to pull harder than he expects, as the skin tight fabric holds fast to David’s legs. Finally, he’s able to peel the offending pants off of his fiance’s legs.

“Fuck.” 

David is laughing, somewhere above him. “Is something wrong?”

“Shoes.” He presses a kiss to the inside of David’s naked thigh, hoping to distract him. David always double knots his Rick Owens hightops, it’s almost impossible to remove them quickly.

“I have to say, I thought you’d be a lot more motivated to be faster at this.” 

Patrick feels his competitive side flare up. Usually he only lets it out when he wants to beat Ronnie at baseball, but he can’t help himself. He growls at David, a wordless sound that makes David laugh even harder. “I’m not done yet.”

David’s pants are pooled around his ankles, Patrick runs his hands down his bare legs, using his fingernails to dig into the knot on David’s left shoe. David gasps as Patrick sucks a hickey onto his inner thigh. Fingers ghost over his cheek and along his jaw, he tilts his head towards the soft touch as the first shoelace comes free. He unwraps the long laces and pulls David’s shoe free, tossing it gleefully behind him. 

“You’re doing great, sweetie.” The laughter seeps out between David’s words and Patrick longs to take him apart. He pauses long enough to scratch his fingers along the inside of David’s leg, pressing on the fresh mark and making him whimper. He starts on the second knot. This one comes free even faster than the first and he pulls off the second shoe. He tugs at David’s jeans, but they catch around his ankles. Patrick mutters under his breath, a wordless stream of expletives and nonsense. He guides David’s pants around his feet, taking his socks off at the same time. Before David can sass him about how long he’s taken, he rises to his feet and strips off David’s sweater, pulling it off in one smooth motion before folding it and setting it carefully on the desk. 

He takes half a second to admire his nearly naked fiance, his eyes raking over his long legs, his swollen cock held behind the black fabric of his underwear, the line of hair running down his chest. David’s tongue runs over his lips, slowly and provocatively. Patrick pounces on him, pushing him back on the bed, straddling him as he pins his hands over his head. He kisses David, challenging him with lips and teeth and a hint of tongue until it turns into something that leaves them both gasping. 

“I think you’re forgetting something.” David’s mouth twists as he teases Patrick.

“What’s that?”

“Someone needs to take off your clothes.” With that, David wiggles his hands out of Patrick’s grip and with a single motion, he yanks open Patrick’s shirt, sending buttons flying.

“Hey.” He tries to object, but David kisses him, quick and hard. When he looks up, he can’t miss the competitive spark that lights up David’s eyes. 

“I’m going to show you how to do this properly.” With a single motion, David flips them over so Patrick is beneath him. He kneels on the edge of the bed between Patrick’s thighs, his hands make quick work of his belt, opening the button of his jeans with a flourish. He bites back a groan as David lowers the zipper, easing the pressure on his own erection. His jeans aren’t as tight as David’s, but they’re tight enough and he laughs as David struggles to pull them over his ass and down his thighs.

“Not as easy as you thought, is it?” 

In retaliation, David runs his fingers over the ticklish spot above his hip, making him flinch. He shoves Patrick’s jeans down to his ankles, untying the simple knots on the laces of his brown dress shoes. Shoes dealt with, David works his jeans off, his thumb rubbing into the arch of Patrick’s foot as he does. “Mmm.” The sound comes from somewhere deep inside him, unbidden. David stops, a smile curving his lips as he presses his thumb deeper, turning Patrick’s hum into a groan. “C’mere.” He tugs at David’s shoulders, guiding him up onto the bed until David’s body covers his own and he’s able to find his mouth with his own.

David’s forearms bracket his head and the dark eyes look down at him. “Did I win?”

“I think we both won.” He runs his hands up the back of David’s thighs, grabbing David’s ass and rocking them together, his body electrified as their cocks rub together through the thin fabric of their underwear. 

“You’re just saying that because you hate to lose.” David kisses him, licking and nibbling at his lips until they part and then thrusting his tongue into his mouth. Patrick loses himself in the press of David’s lips and the light roll of his hips. He whines when David pulls his mouth away to nose along his hairline, lips brushing against Patrick’s ear. “What do you want?”

David’s asked him that question almost every night for the past two years and it never fails to send shivers down his spine. It still feels new, this idea that David will give him whatever he asks for. He wiggles a little and feels David’s smile against his cheek. Asking for what he wants hasn’t always been easy, but David has made so many things that had been hard simple and natural. David pulls back to look him in the eyes. “Where did you go?”

“Nowhere bad.” He leans up to kiss David. “Just thinking about how you make everything so easy.”

“Sex shouldn’t be hard.”

“You taught me that, too.” David’s face twists and he looks away, embarrassed. While he’s distracted, Patrick seizes his chance to flip them over, laughing at David’s shocked expression. “That’s enough.” He rolls off David so he can slide off his underwear before tugging at the waistband of David’s briefs until he does the same. 

He props himself up on one elbow and lets himself look at David. David mirrors his position, squirming and closing his eyes as Patrick runs his fingers over his shoulder and down his chest. He tweaks a nipple, just to make David flinch. David’s eyes pop open and he stops Patrick’s hand from drifting lower. “Answer the question, Patrick.” 

David captures his mouth with his own, his tongue thrusts between his lips and he forgets the question again. He tilts his head back to let David mouth at the sensitive skin on his neck. He tangles his fingers into David’s hair as David takes his nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking before he bites sharply, making Patrick’s hips buck. “God. David.”

“Tell me what you want.” David’s voice is firm and he knows that David will tease him until he gets an answer.

He wants anything and everything David could do to him. The image of David’s long legs wrapped in his skin-tight jeans flashes through his mind. “Can I fuck your thighs while you get yourself off?” 

“Mmm, yeah, yes.” David fumbles in the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out the bottle of lube. “Get me ready, baby.” As always, the pet name sends shivers down his spine. David tugs at his hip, his cock is hard and hot against David’s ass. He shoves his hips into David, making him gasp. He slips his hand between David’s thighs, wet with lube. 

David bends his leg so he can reach, he slides his lube-covered hand up David’s leg to cup his balls before squeezing his cock. He jacks David’s cock, once, twice, before dragging his hand back down and rubbing at the sensitive spot behind David’s balls. David bites back a moan. He mouths at the back of David’s neck, nibbling softly. David arches his back, chasing both Patrick’s mouth and his hand.

He pushes his cock between David’s legs, the head nudges along David’s ass before gently bumping into his balls. Patrick’s hips jerk forward and he closes his eyes, trying to control the sensation that’s rising all too quickly inside him. He pushes on David’s leg and the feeling of his hard length trapped between David’s thighs makes his hips thrust forward again. David’s hand finds his hip, anchoring him in place. His teeth are on David’s earlobe now, he pushes against David, wanting to hold on to the feeling of having his body surround David’s larger frame. 

“Ready?” He nuzzles the spot beneath David’s ear that never fails to make him squirm and is rewarded with an eager wiggle.

“What are you waiting for?” 

Need makes him impatient and he pushes against David again. David’s thighs clench around him and he nips David’s ear in response, thrusting his hips forward sharply. He finds David’s nipple with his fingers, ghosting over it with gentle touches until he feels it harden beneath his fingertips, rolling it under his fingers, making David moan. The drag of his cock between David’s thighs lights him up and he feels David’s thigh muscles tighten around him again. He hisses in response and his next thrust is even harder. His hips find a rhythm, thrusting into the grip of David’s thighs. 

It’s simple and uncomplicated but with David even the simplest sex makes him feel wild and reckless, like a boat that’s come unmoored in a storm. His teeth find David’s shoulder, leaving marks as he rocks forward, David thrusting backwards to meet him.

David keeps one hand on Patrick’s hip, the other jerks his cock, matching Patrick’s rhythm. The wave builds deep inside him, rushing out in a flood that takes him by surprise. David’s breath is quick and short against his cheek and he comes seconds later, his fingers digging deeply into the flesh of his hip as his body shakes against him. “David...fuck…”

“I know, baby.” All of his muscles have turned to jello. He hides his head in the pillow so he doesn’t have to hear David’s words. “We have to get up.”

“Don’t wanna.” He tries to burrow into David’s shoulder and feels a laugh ripple through him.

“We’re covered in come, we need a shower.” He pouts for a minute until David gets out of bed, tugging on his hand to pull him towards the shower. David presses a kiss to his temple before he whispers in Patrick’s ear. “Hey.” He can hear the challenge in David’s voice. “Last one to the shower has to make the snacks.”


End file.
